Black Nightclub Guide
Here's the unofficial "who's who" guide to black nightclubs.
This guy spends all week in the gym & needs little or no reason to take off
his shirt & parade around the club like Mr. Universe.
You know her--300 lbs. size 46, buys a size 6 spandex outfit. To the
dismay of others, she wears it to the club.
Takes three hours to finish one drink, then tries to fool everyone for
another hour with a glass full of icewater & a straw. Has $3.50 in his
Stands for "Old Guys". These guys just can't get over the fact that they
are TOO OLD to be at the club. Their clubbing days are so far behind them
their kids can legally buy alcohol. Speak a pre-Adamic language, like James
They don't dance, they just stand against the wall with a look on their
face that says "I don't give a fuck!" Looking for an excuse to start a
Stepped out of the latest rap video. He feels the need to let everyone in
the club know what name brand designer clothing he's wearing. It may be
pitch black in the club, but he's got 300 Versace sunglasses. He's also
the one making a call from the dancefloor on his cell phone, with a bottle
of MOET (with the label facing outward so everyone can see) in his other
SHIRLEY & YVONNE
The African American equivalent of Siskel & Ebert, but they don't review
movies. Their table is right near the door so they can "review" everyone
who comes in the door. Overheard: "uh, uh, no she didn't," "Mr.
Polyester," and "That does NOT match with that".
Not the TV host. She has no money, but somehow gets some sucker to buy her
drinks all night---usually BILLBOARD BILLY (see above).
Have been in & out of jail so many times, they have no clue as to what is
in or out of style. They show up in "Eight Ball" Leather Jackets, and
"Malcolm X" caps....SHIRLEY & YVONNE have a field day with them.
THE 1st AND 15th POSSE
We only see them in the club around these dates...
THELMA & LOUISE
Obligatory white women.
SHAHEENA STROBELITE & CO.
They look good in the club, but outside.....
BOOMIN' SYSTEM PARADE
Guys who sit outside the club all night in premium parking (or slow down
like someone is calling them) with a banging sound system and no
intent of entering.
Fat women who come early to the club, take up all of the premium bar
seating, and stay all night.